(Translated from an e-mail my mother sent me today)
- True happyness is in the small things: a small mansion, a small yacht, a small fortune…
- Some people are alive… because murder is ilegal.
- If you’re loking for a hand to help you out… you’ll find it at the end of your arm.
- He who is born poor and ugly is flooded with oportunities upon growing up… for further developing both conditions.
- If life gives you lemons… ask for tequila and salt.
- The fish that swims against the current… dies of electrocution
- Having a clean Concience is a sign of a bad memory
- He who can smile when he can’t seem to do anything right… already figured out who to blame.
- He who laughs last… thinks slowest.
- If you can’t convince them… confuse them.
- Eternal love lasts for 3 months… maybe four.
- Money doesn’t create happiness… it buys it ready-made.
- There is a better world… but it’s REALLY expensive!
- If the mountain comes to you… RUN DUMBASS IT’S AN AVALANCHE!!!
- Similarities between a pregnant women, burnt cake and frozen beer: If you had pulled it out sooner it never would have happened!
- During life’s dificult times you have to keep your head up, stick out your chest and say with confidence: … “Is my life fucked today or what?”
- Wife is that friend and companinon that is always by our side to help us resolve our biggest problems… which we wouldn’t have if we weren’t married!
- “Lost women”… are the most sought after.
- If one day you feel a great emptiness inside you… HAVE LUNCH! you’re probably just hungry.
Someone sent me this link to College Humor where they had this exchange between “Bro-Doctor” and a patient. Enjoy (link: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788188)
Doctor: Sweet, bro. Your throat and ears are chill. You wanna go ahead and hop off the table, or some sh*t?
Doctor: Tits. Alright, now I’m gonna need you to drop your pants. No homo.
Patient: *Removes pants*
Doctor: Just a quick F-Y-I; not gay, just gotta grab your sack to check for hernia.
Doctor: Aw, gross dude!
Patient: Doctor, if you could be a little more profess-
Doctor: HAHA! Yo, it’s hairy as sh*t. Like if you stuck gum on a gorilla.
Patient: I’m feeling very uncomfort-
Doctor: YO, YOU’RE GETTING A BONER. WHAT THE F*CK DUDE!? WHAT ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?
*The doctor jumps up and feigns throwing a punch, then starts laughing when the patient flinches.*
Doctor: Haha! Just playin, bro. No bone.
Patient: Could we please wrap this up?
Doctor: Sure. I found a bump. You may have testicular cancer.
Doctor: It’s cancer in your balls, bro.
Can someone please explain to me how to use this Tumblr thing? where do i add links? is there some way to sync this with my twitter or add my twitter feed to this? i’m lost!