Hi! I'm Dr. C

(Translated from an e-mail my mother sent me today)

1. True happyness is in the small things: a small mansion, a small yacht, a small fortune…
2. Some people are alive… because murder is ilegal.
3. If you’re loking for a hand to help you out… you’ll find it at the end of your arm.
4. He who is born poor and ugly is flooded with oportunities upon growing up… for further developing both conditions.
5. If life gives you lemons… ask for tequila and salt.
6. The fish that swims against the current… dies of electrocution
7. Having a clean Concience is a sign of a bad memory
8. He who can smile when he can’t seem to do anything right… already figured out who to blame.
9. He who laughs last… thinks slowest.
10. If you can’t convince them… confuse them.
11. Eternal love lasts for 3 months… maybe four.
12. Money doesn’t create happiness… it buys it ready-made.
13. There is a better world… but it’s REALLY expensive!
14. If the mountain comes to you… RUN DUMBASS IT’S AN AVALANCHE!!!
15. Similarities between a pregnant women, burnt cake and frozen beer: If you had pulled it out sooner it never would have happened!
16. During life’s dificult times you have to keep your head up, stick out your chest and say with confidence: … “Is my life fucked today or what?”
17. Wife is that friend and companinon that is always by our side to help us resolve our biggest problems… which we wouldn’t have if we weren’t married!
18. “Lost women”… are the most sought after.
19. If one day you feel a great emptiness inside you… HAVE LUNCH! you’re probably just hungry.

Enjoy!

Someone sent me this link to College Humor where they had this exchange between “Bro-Doctor” and a patient. Enjoy (link: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788188)

Doctor: Sweet, bro. Your throat and ears are chill. You wanna go ahead and hop off the table, or some sh*t?

Patient: Uhh…sure.

Doctor: Tits. Alright, now I’m gonna need you to drop your pants. No homo.

Patient: *Removes pants*

Doctor: Just a quick F-Y-I; not gay, just gotta grab your sack to check for hernia.

Patient: Right.

Doctor: Aw, gross dude!

Patient: Doctor, if you could be a little more profess-

Doctor: HAHA! Yo, it’s hairy as sh*t. Like if you stuck gum on a gorilla.

Patient: I’m feeling very uncomfort-

Doctor: YO, YOU’RE GETTING A BONER. WHAT THE F*CK DUDE!? WHAT ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?

*The doctor jumps up and feigns throwing a punch, then starts laughing when the patient flinches.*

Doctor: Haha! Just playin, bro. No bone.

Patient: Could we please wrap this up?

Doctor: Sure. I found a bump. You may have testicular cancer.

Patient: WHAT!?

Doctor: It’s cancer in your balls, bro.

Can someone please explain to me how to use this Tumblr thing? where do i add links? is there some way to sync this with my twitter or add my twitter feed to this? i’m lost!